I was watching a Post by a Facebook friend tonight on Domestic Violence. In the Video a woman pretends she is being attacked by her partner whilst on the phone to the police describing the false attack and she is meanwhile doing this in front of a small child. In my opinion it is visceral and if you are a man who has witnessed the pain and pressure of a messy and emotional break up you will immediately have great feelings of deep resentment for the woman in the film.
Many video posts like this are taken as a divisive topic to bring about side taking for men or women in the domestic violence issue. In my opinion, I respectfully disagree that women or men are the main instigators of domestic violence. In my opinion it is a lack of emotional, intellectual and social education that has led to bad conditioning and terrible habits.
Imagine if you will that the woman in this video is the product of conditioning and experience that neither she or he (the partner videoing the event) had any conscious influence over. Imagine that she’s a product of her environment with the same emotional needs as you and I, Certainty, Variety, Connection, significance, contribution and growth. She was taught that if she lied, people would give her more attention, meeting the need for Connection, the lie and the chance it would be questioned met her need for variety and the attention made her feel significant. Imagine she felt these amplified emotions in such a way that they created an addiction.
Imagine she was abandoned as a child on several occasions but when she got on the floor and chucked a tantrum her father or mother, the one she most sought the love from would come back and comfort her. Actions that met her need for connection, certainty, significance, and intensify her new emotional habit. Now I want you to imagine she is only 3 years old.
I know many men out there wouldn’t punish her, the good fathers and mothers, using intelligence both emotionally and social, guide her through this learned behavior and reward her good behavior and deter her unacceptable behavior. Not every woman or man is lucky enough to have parents with high emotional, educational or social intelligence. In fact I would suspect, cultural and economic differences can also amplify the lack of opportunity to this type of education.
Many of the people you and I meet every day, barely know their own purpose in life, let alone understand their conditioning or where it stemmed from? Even their recollection of the events when they were children, may actually be true or made up in the mind? We have a complicated mind, created to avoid pain, to seek pleasure and to survive in a very complicated world one very different from the world humans walked thousands of years ago.
When I watched this video post the first time, I had sound, the words and the actions, made me angry. I then chose to watch it without sound and in my opinion she was scared and fearful based on her body language. Then I closed my eyes and tried to imagine empathically the fear she felt and I made a conscious choice not to judge her but to feel her pain from my heart. Each change in the physical perception had an emotionally different response.
The greatest cause of domestic violence in my opinion is a lack of education, emotional and social and the conditioned fear and habits that have been allowed to amplify due to this “lack”, affects all of society in a deeply damaging way.
I have seen women abuse men, I have experienced it personally, but I was lucky enough to have the love of friends, mentors and an education that allowed me the ability to read and seek alternative lessons. I have forgiven that woman, by letter, not in person yet. I’d like to, one day.
I don’t want these types of video posts to stop being shared. They need a their message spread, they increase awareness of the Domestic violence issues and increase education. But for those that share these it is important to discuss the solutions as well.
On responding to my Facebook Friend (Lash Lisson’s Post) I discovered something I was not aware of, and an issue that I think he wanted me to know about.
Here are the links to women’s domestic violence shelters in Darwin
I found none for men, or for men with children.
If you vote for me this upcoming election, I will ensure that I will bring up the topic of a domestic violence shelter for Men and their children. Love shouldn't Hurt!
If you have progressive ideas or believe there is a social topic that needs to be addressed, please contact me and see how we can amplify your voice.
Written and Authorized by Sam Wilks. The views included may not be those of others mentioned in the article but are those of Sam Wilks. If you have other idea’s feel free to comment below. Idea’s and differing opinion is recognition of a free and just democratic society. A Society I am happy to live in. Please however try not to be abusive or discriminative, you may be. But if I feel that your opinion may be harmful or is reported as being harmful, I will delete it.
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